Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12 (NIV)New International Version , Copyright 2011-2019 Biblica
Being a mother has been rewarding, it has been filled with an abundance of love, and many adventurous moments. Being a mother has also been challenging at times. Today I found myself asking: “Am I being a good mother?”; “Am I giving my son enough attention?”. If you are a mother I am sure you understand these thoughts and feelings.
If you have read my very first post Navigating Uncharted Territory and Practicing Mindfulness, you know I am currently working from home and caring for my son due to COVID19. Today, I had a few virtual conferences via Google Meet; two of which I was logged into simultaneously, one on the phone and the other with my computer. Needless to say it was interesting trying to keep up with both meetings. Now, add my enthusiastic three year old son to the mix.
During my last virtual meeting I kept seeing my son from the corner of my eye and each time I could tell he was looking at me with his hands behind his back. When I would look at him directly he would be smiling and then just turn away to go to his room. In my heart I felt like he was up to something, he had been too quiet.
After my last virtual meeting, I had a brief phone conference with my colleague; during this call my son came into the living room holding his hands up. He had white paint on his hands, his legs, and clothes. I did my best to keep my composure. I told him to go wash his hands. I told my colleague what was going on. I knew she would probably understand since she was also mother and had a four year son. Needless to say when I got off the phone I had a little talk with him followed up with time out sitting in the recliner. He then began to cry and soon fell asleep.
I proceeded to his room to scout out the damage. At first I did not see any paint – anywhere. I went to his hiding spot underneath the backside of his bed… jackpot. He had attempted to paint his barn, his toy farm animals, and a coloring book. In the process of creating his masterpieces he dropped paint on his tan carpet. Then, I saw where he had poured water into a shoe box which apparently became home to couple of his animals. He had also filled his toy rabbit’s food bowl with super glue. Let us just say I had a time cleaning up after his own attempt of art class.
Hours later (tonight) after my son and husband went to bed I began to read a book titled Midnight Mom Devotional by Becky Thompson and Susan K. Pitts; the authors are a mother and daughter team. Shortly after I began to read this book I became overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions; sad, happy, grateful, and concerned. These feelings stemmed from constantly questioning my abilities as a mother. Am I good enough, am I doing enough, do I spend enough time with my son, does he know I love him, am I too hard on him, am I disciplining him correctly, am I teaching him enough?
As I continued to read I was reminded through this book that I am not alone. There are millions of mothers around the world having the same experiences as me; which is the exact reason I began this website, the very reason I wanted to started blogging with a focus on women, mothers, grandmothers, aunt, and sisters.
We are great mothers. Sometimes we just need that reminder that we are doing the best that we can. The greatest way to help remind us mothers of that, is to make sure we find some time to ourselves; even if it is at 12:35 am when everybody else in the house is asleep. Maybe it is when we go to the bathroom to hide out briefly. We can also reach out to our friends who are mothers or if you are blessed to still have your mother, call her and talk to her. If anybody knows what you are going through it is your mother. By reaching out to another person and or taking a breather alone is improving your mental health. Never forget YOU ARE IMPORTANT TOO. We must take care of ourselves to take care of our children. Find your balance however that may look for you.
Peace and Love, Laurel